Life so sucks

Life so sucks nowadays. real sucks >.<' Got my result today. Yeah, my final sem final papers result. It turn out to be more better than i predict. Although, i don get As, but i think it's kinda good result for me. But the point is, i won't be joining others in the coming January Graduation Ceremony. I need to stay for another Sem.

Because i need to repeat 3 more papers. And i talk to the lecturer today, and they gave me some 'special case' remarks where i'll be just 1 on 1 with my lecturers for the whole sem. Can u imagine the stress that i going to face?! sigh. One subject will only takes 2 hours per week which means if everything can be adjusted to one day class then i'll be fucking free for the rest of the weekdays.

I'm happy with that, but it seems that i'm wasting half year for this. Why don't i study better and i will be on my way to other country now. Sigh again.. I'm kinda depressed nowadays. Too many things that i need to make decision with. So many things that eventually my hair is almost 100% white.

Life seems so tense nowadays. I need to finish my R&D fast. I need to decide on where to study next. I need to decide on what to continue next. I need to decide whether to continue Comp Science or Major in Data Comm & Networking or I'll go for Computer Security. What Uni i should go. Which country that i can afford with. sucks. so sucks. That's only about studies. There are even more personal things that i need to sort out.

It's so hard to predict something. For example, it's very hard to predict some people thinking, it so damn hard to really understand something, it's so freaking hard to do something which u always dream of. It's also so fucking hard to know's what that some people thinks of. I one times, they become close to you, but in the mean time, they tends to ignore you. What the hell?! sigh. If this all continue on, i guess my hair will turn white, I'll be a real Santa on this coming Christmas. After turning white 100% then it'll drop of one by one and by that time, I shall see thee, oh god. sigh sigh sigh. I hate myself, i fucking hate myself. why do i need to suffer like this where other people tends to be happy with their life.

You know?! I'm kinda depressed. why on earth i can't find someone that i truly love?! i'm not a playboy nor a person who take other people daugthers for bedtime story. but y i need to suffer all the loneliness by myself. sigh .

I don't want to type anymore. It's just so sucks. I need time to really sit down and sort of all my things. I really don't know.. what to do...

Christmas plans changes again. I'll be hanging at tong's place this coming Christmas eve. My 21st of December plan canceled due to some reason.

My New Future.

I got really brainwashed recently by my parents. They keep on telling me that it's more better for me to manage my own business and that i can't take the suffer to work for people. I might agree with that as owning your own business is always the best. The most successful people in this world are mostly businessmen. So guess i would just follow what they been telling me. Around last year, my dad bought up a web design company for me to venture in. But, i was in college that time so i don't put 100% effort in it.

It's been since a year and i dun really care about it, because it's not the time i really wan to put any effort in business. I was thinking of freelancing at 1st. But since i'm kinda busy, i didn't bother to sort the company back in order. So after a year of nothing, since i'm just working on web templates and so on. And also all my R&D thingy. I'm new in computer line, so all i can is research and development.

So recently, my dad keep on pushing me and i was like, let me finish and let me be ready to face this line. But after some deep thinking, i think let's give it a try, y not right? I got a business meeting today. I was kinda happy at 1st. My BIG project. It might make me earn arnd 4-5k as it's a very very big project. If from what i calculate and the market, the project cost arnd 9k.

I was of course happy at first. I went there with my father, and i kinda blank for while. I need to brush up my skill of communication with those businessman. I can't really answer their question. But in the end, i don't get the deal, the things he want it to be, i can't accomplished it. They wan a e-commerce site, which mean they wan a site something like eBay. so fuck. It just make me so sucks there. I just lost a almost 10k project.

Reason i don't take up the project is that i don't want to make anyone lost trust for my company. I can't promise the client where i can't fulfill it. so well, this kinda site is still under my R&D project. So i guess, i really need to spent more time on it. Hopefully i can really step into this line without any problem blocking me.

Sigh. I don't really know why, but i'm kinda depressed about it. Y can't i master web thingy? I think i need months to be prepare and face the market. Haha. Pray for my luck then.

Prove that I've been really working on my stuff. I got 2 laptop and a pc at my dad office for me to multi task.

One for photoshop, one for dreamweaver and one for finding info.

ok. I'm tired already. No more bragging here.

Trust

Let me explain on why i would blog about this topic. There are few reason which really make me wanted to explain about this thing. i apologize to anyone who felt offended or if anyone which might be offended by this post, please ignore this post.

First, let me explain what is the meaning of TRUST.

trust –noun

1.	reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.	confident expectation of something; hope.

In this world, when a person betray another person trust, it very hard for that person to gain back trust the another people gave him/her.

Ok. Fuck it. I feel sorry to write about this but, i need to express out something. In love, when you betray a person trust, you'll be very hard to gain back the trust. One thing for sure, what the hell that is wrong with people nowadays? I'm really sad, too sad to be true.

I dunno why, but i felt disturded about girls. SOME people told me that guys are hateful. Guys always cheat girls. Guy never felt the hurt that the girl gone thru. Guys never really put the heart on the girl which they are dating. Guys never care about the girls. Guys tends to demand for what they have and in the end let the girls shallow all the hurt by herself.

See this girl, i never said that guys are good but you need to know, not every single guy in this world is like that kind of person. Maybe never in your life you experience a nice guy, it because of YOUR attitude, looking over those handsome guys and think they are you prince of your life. FUCK, i tell you, When you really got played by them, you'll know what it feel to simply fall in love for those handsome guys.

I didn't say that all the handsome guys are playboy or anything, but it just so not fair in this world that people do fall in love with those playboys and naughty guys although they know they will get hurt in the end of the day. I read so many blogs, there's on from the Co-founder of nuffnang, Timothy Tiah. He say that girl tends to be with AH BENG that those with a good career. but i feels it's 50-50 correct and wrong. I dunno la, but one thing i wan to tell that SOMEBODY that we guys also felt hurt when we got cheated by you ladies but we never show it out. Do you know that a guy also have feelings?

In the end of a relationship, people would say that the guys will walk happily away and the girls will end up crying none stop. But heck, when a guy really love that girls, he would also cry, CRY out all the sadness and follow up by making himself drunk to forget the unhappiness. Please, do really understand a person before u really making fools of yourself.

Back to the point. You trust your partner, and in the end she betray your trust and u found out. I just felt that, you don't want to be really that heartless until you need to play us, guys, like a dumb puppet which you might thing is fun. If we're to find out anything, it wont be that fun in the end. Come on, if you don't love us anymore, why don't you just break up with us, rather than you cheat outside.

It's just that i'm tired with this all of questions. I'm REALLY REALLY tired of Love things, Love issues. I'm wondering, why in this world, gays existed. Think it this way, when you love that person so much, you would just do anything for her, i mean ANYTHING but then when she just hurt you and dump you like that, what would you feel? you can't accept the facts and you turn yourself to guys.

What is wrong with this world? Girls hate guys, keep on complaining that we're bad guys, always hurt them, and on the other hand, we guys would just say vice versa. Damn.. True love never exist in this world, i do believe it exist last time, but not after so many things gone through. Too many things that make me more in believing that there will never exists. NEVER!

In my life, there are just so many things that i regreted. I regret on how i treated my exs, on why they leave me and be with others, i regret on why am i like this, why i never have a stable relationship, i do anything for you, but in the end, i get nothing and i the one that will be crying out loud.

I have friends, alot of friend. I'm truly sad to hear any heart breaks story. SOME people tell me that they feel sad to hear that their friends broke up. But you know, i were the couple and when i found out this relationship never would work out, i would choose to let you go, better than i put in so much effort and in the end i got very very hurt.

You know, that SOMEONE who told me you hate guys, please think out of the box. Think if you really love that person and that person really love you, would you be hurt? Think of your personalities, if nothing change, why would that guy treat you coldly? and If you were big enough to think of those handsome playboys, i would guarantee you, you'll get hurt in end and u start to fucking more hate guys. Think about it. (btw, this concept also apply to guys). You are big enough to judge this.

I don't mean to hurt anyone here, especially the ladies, but i do want you all to know our guys feeling. We're never that heartless and easy as you all think about us. This purpose of post is to express out my long long time rants that been in my heart. Ignore this if you think that my point is wrong.

Sunday Frenzy

I actually got nothing better to do, so i decide to install Photoshop CS3 extended version. Well, i admit, i don't like photoshop at first, that because i really lazy to use my mind to do the editing. But since today i got nothing better to do and i've been at the garden taking picture of my mom's Orchid. wtf. Yeah, i'm really that nothing better to do so well, i took alot of those pic with different setting of camera. I'm noob at photoshop, first time user, as i more prefer Corel Draw before this, but photoshop really a nice program though. Some simple work.

My Mom's rose plant..

I wrote the words on the picture because when i'm editing the word on the pic, i'm listening to Arvil Lavigne - When you're gone. And i turn emotional. wtf. haha.

Another simple work. I never knew it's so damn easy to do this shit.

Air Supply - Without You

No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows


No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now its only fair that I should let you know
What you should know


Chorus:
I can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give anymore
Can't live if living is without you
Can't give, I can't give anymore


No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows


Chorus(2x)

This is some song that i so like it, until i can listen to it almost everyday.

"When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go"

*sob* don't ask my why i been posting something kinda emotional over the last few post. I just feel like to post it.. That's all..

Part 2 - Love

This will be just some thing that i miss out from the previous post. Well, this and the previous post is just some of my opinion which if did come out to be someone's situation or etc, flauken.blogspot.com would like to apologize to the people that felt hurt or insulted by my previous post.

Let just start.

What is LOVE?!


Love as define by oxford dictionary:

–noun

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.	sexual passion or desire.

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.	(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.	a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.	sexual intercourse; copulation.

8.	(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

9.	affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

10.	strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

11.	the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12.	the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

13.	Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.

14.	a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

–verb (used with object)

15.	to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

16.	to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

17.	to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.

18.	to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.

19.	to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

20.	to have sexual intercourse with.

source from dictionary.com

it's clearly define there from dictionary.com that love is something about feelings toward the person that you care and the person that u think it might be the one that you would rest the life with.

But there is something that i don't get it at all. If a love word or if you would just say "I LOVE YOU" for everynight to ur partner, would the partner feel cheated or would she care if you really love her as it would be like this in the heart." =.=", every night you say u love me?!"

If for the person that would be saying this everyday before your partner sleep, i tell u what, if it's for me, i would just hang up if people that i love want me to say "I LOVE YOU" every night. i would just say like this.. " If the words of mine can prove my love, then you must be something wrong. You're just being happy for my words, not my heart" come on, love are to be proven by the act, by the care that the guy/girl showers to you, by the soft touch that he/she gave you, by the feeling that he/she gave you, not by the word.

One more thing that been something i really wanna voice out, the word " I LOVE YOU FOREVER SWEETHEART ", FUCK, there are nothing in this world would be yours' forever, nothing that goes to heaven with you, what the hell are those people telling FOREVER in addition that the girls heart melts and " oh romeo, I WILL LET YOU LOVE ME ETERNITY " this is such a fucking bullshit, if i were to hear this from a person i love, i would ask back, you can be with me maybe tomolo, but it doesn't mean that you would be with me for the day after tomolo. The word are just to make you smile, sweet mouth people can easily get a girl, but not a person that he love, a person that he would just play n dump!. Sometimes, action is more valuable than the word. Prove to your partner, not by saying sweet word. In my life, there is nothing FOREVER and ETERNITY, no such thing, don't lie to yourself to make you happy. Yeah. I read someone blog recently. She wrote there, " why not the guys suffer but always do the girls suffer on the end of a relationship? " (correct me if i write wrong), let me tell you what, in the end of a relationship, there are for sure either party will get hurt, it's either the guy or the gurl, but thing of this, what i can say, we guys do suffer a lot, i mean A LOT.

If you do love the person, and if the person you love choose not to be with you, think about it, there are no point for you to ask/beg him/her to return to you, no point. Forcing each other for the sake of your heart, will not make the relationship works, in the end, he/she will hate you more than everybody do. Y hate?! If a person like/ love you, he/she will never leave you, never if you are in other country or you are in space, he/she will continue to shower love to you, but if the person choose to leave you, then move on with your life, there are no point for you to be sad for that someone that been hurting you in return.

A lot of people told me that they won't love anyone anymore. BUT this is just BULLSHIT!, i did even told a lot of people that i would prefer to be single, but think of it, you was just lying around just because you can't accept the fact that he/she don't love you anymore. To prevent a hurt, think outside the box. It helps a lot. He/she don't love you anymore, break up with you and you choose to take your life hoping that he/she can get back to you? ok, this is some fucking shit that dumb ass people would do, real fucker will think of their self other then thinking out of the box. Ask yourself, why do he/she leave you in the 1st place?! If he/she love you now, would he/she hurt you? no, he/she won't hurt you. If a person that you love hurt you, it'll just leave a scar in the heart, nothing more than that. I'm a person which been hurt, it took a lot of time for me to really wake up or climb out of that hole.

I might not have a lot of experience in LOVE. If you do love him/her, cherish him/her, don't wait until it's too late for anything, NEVER regret for every single decision that you make, it would hurt you more. I tell you, in this world if you really love someone, if he/she choose to take another road, let her/him go, you can still always stay alive.. always... It's so fucking hard to really understand someone you love, you need time to understand them, but when u get to know them, and he/she is not the type you are looking for, make a move, end the relationship.

" If you love someone, shower her with the love and care they need, prove to them rather then being saying " I LOVE YOU" every night, understand your partner", if he/she not your choice, make the move rather then in the end either one will get hurt.

what the hell is wrong with those people being sad with someone that don't deserve to be with them? swt. i really think what i should have said is said. This post might be offensive. i'm sorry if it hurt you.

"I love you more than any word can say ... I love you more than every action I take ... I'll be right here loving you till the end."

fine.. i think i crap too much. i ain't down, it just explode from my heart. Read it only. Don't keep in heart!


- weiliang -

Nightmare

Last night was terrible. Very terrible. We we suppose to be sitting at Ming Boon and were supposed to drink chinese tea, yeah we were there to drink chinese tea. But somehow Mr. Gooi have this idea to get our ass to Permatang Tinggi. Mr. Gooi went home change, and i proceed to that cafe/pub. swt. The reason we choose that cafe/pub is because i was kinda down, Gooi was down and Mr Tong just go there with us to accompany us. This cafe/pub will only play sad chinese song and well, u know, cheaper price, not really many people there so we can just go there and relax. Even the shop called Relax Cafe/Pub. swt.

We reach arnd 10.45 pm like that and at 1st everything start nicely. swt. i don't even know they order so much of beer, yes beer. swt la.. the 2nd round, we're kinda nothing better to do, i ask for dice and we played some game, a friend of mine teach us wan. swt. 4 - 5 round and all started to get tipsy. swt. this because i got 4 glass on bottom's up in a row, 3 half glass and almost the same goes to Mr Tong and Mr Gooi. swt. guess how much we order or drank?! swt, we order 4 bucket, total of a carton of beer. 24 bottles of Tiger beer for just 3 person. Well, Mr. Gooi wasn't happy and when there are friend not happy, we will drink like nobody business.



I start to talk rubbish, i remember i lecture Mr Gooi and advice him. yes, yes, i told him how to face the fact of life. swt. i was so tipsy that i keep on drinking another 2 bottle of beer and by that time i cant really take it anymore. swt. After all, Mr gooi collapse/drunk, Mr Tong half drunk/ can't drive and me, ok la.. still can walk and drive Mr. Gooi home. Mr Tong vomitted in the shop, yeah, me-sia-sui-kan.. swt. ok la.. we drive home, and on the way home, swt, police road block, they check for IC and License and talk some rubbish with the police. swt. haha.. but still manage to proceed on la.. swt. I drop Mr. Gooi home and stop by the road and vomit. i just cant take it anymore. ok, we drank too much and too excited to drink so much. NO more next time, wake up this morning so suffer. haihz...

What i gain from last night experience is not to drink so much and no more playing with those "drinking games". ok let start this point of the post. In a life, there are always trouble with a relationship. We as a guy always will do a lot of thing to make our love one happy, "if you really like/ love someone as a guy, you won't mind the person attitude, you won't mind the person background" quoted by Mr Gooi. yes i do have to agree this but there are always something that will bother you. If you were not to mind the person attitude and background, you go on, let me tell you, there will not be any good reason for you to move on with the relation. Unless the girl willing to change her attitude but still if u really like her, take what she is granted with. To my advice when you love the person, please to know more about her/ him.

In me, i always put my friend 1st rather than my gf(if i have one la). We were friend for so many year and you as my partner, i just know you for few month or maybe years but one thing, tomolo i wake up, u can just leave me. Don't come fucking around if you can't accept the fact that i put u second in my life. One more thing, in a relationship, people always do like to argue for some simple thing. But you have to know something, when a couple argue, please don't rgue for the same thing over and over again for the sake of it. It might be a person ex, you must respect people's life, there are no point on going to argue over it. Sometimes, we do always say that she (your ex) is a good people, but there are nothing that can change the fact that she is always or will always do be your ex-partner. Learn one thing in life, "Learn to pick up and always learn to let go off the person if she choose to leave u" and wish her happiness with the other people. Sometimes when it's time for you to wake up, it mean time for u to really wake up and to learn more on the people. Don't always go over to people and keep on telling this and that nonsense. No point. really no point on doing it. i do confess i'm in love, but there are just something bothering me now, i just wish it i would not love that someone and move on my life, but there are things that make me more into knowing her. swt. but just let how the thing flow.. i not really going to do anything about it. swt. okla, i have enuf to bullshit here!