Life so sucks

Life so sucks nowadays. real sucks >.<' Got my result today. Yeah, my final sem final papers result. It turn out to be more better than i predict. Although, i don get As, but i think it's kinda good result for me. But the point is, i won't be joining others in the coming January Graduation Ceremony. I need to stay for another Sem.

Because i need to repeat 3 more papers. And i talk to the lecturer today, and they gave me some 'special case' remarks where i'll be just 1 on 1 with my lecturers for the whole sem. Can u imagine the stress that i going to face?! sigh. One subject will only takes 2 hours per week which means if everything can be adjusted to one day class then i'll be fucking free for the rest of the weekdays.

I'm happy with that, but it seems that i'm wasting half year for this. Why don't i study better and i will be on my way to other country now. Sigh again.. I'm kinda depressed nowadays. Too many things that i need to make decision with. So many things that eventually my hair is almost 100% white.

Life seems so tense nowadays. I need to finish my R&D fast. I need to decide on where to study next. I need to decide on what to continue next. I need to decide whether to continue Comp Science or Major in Data Comm & Networking or I'll go for Computer Security. What Uni i should go. Which country that i can afford with. sucks. so sucks. That's only about studies. There are even more personal things that i need to sort out.

It's so hard to predict something. For example, it's very hard to predict some people thinking, it so damn hard to really understand something, it's so freaking hard to do something which u always dream of. It's also so fucking hard to know's what that some people thinks of. I one times, they become close to you, but in the mean time, they tends to ignore you. What the hell?! sigh. If this all continue on, i guess my hair will turn white, I'll be a real Santa on this coming Christmas. After turning white 100% then it'll drop of one by one and by that time, I shall see thee, oh god. sigh sigh sigh. I hate myself, i fucking hate myself. why do i need to suffer like this where other people tends to be happy with their life.

You know?! I'm kinda depressed. why on earth i can't find someone that i truly love?! i'm not a playboy nor a person who take other people daugthers for bedtime story. but y i need to suffer all the loneliness by myself. sigh .

I don't want to type anymore. It's just so sucks. I need time to really sit down and sort of all my things. I really don't know.. what to do...

Christmas plans changes again. I'll be hanging at tong's place this coming Christmas eve. My 21st of December plan canceled due to some reason.